Between those significant days and events the time frame is very subjective. Between stays in Hohne there were only 12 years but my perception was of a wide gulf. A great span of childhood events and changes. From Dad's retirement up to meeting Sarah seemed so much longer than 3 years. I can't tell why this disparity exists and I enjoy the riddle. An old friend 'Terry the heart operation' had a theory that is most clear and enigmatic at the same time, like himself. Time is lumpy. Thinking in rational terms only limits the true relativity of perceived distance within the passage of days.

Living in Newcastle with all of my illegal behaviour, is one lump. Not much of what I did was creative, and my mental state reflected a striving for valuable expansion that was sometimes enabled and often disabled by drug use. There were huge leaps in perception and vast empty spaces. There were very few intellectual gains, a fact that is only attributable to my own stifling need to move away from England or my perception of how the doors had closed. My own mistake. I still greatly value the depth and closeness of so many relationships that came out of that time, but it is all past really.

London, Stepney is dark in my memory. Individual exquisite moments are there but mostly it was gloom. Heroin and dilapidation. One of the many times I waited for my contact in the local pub, a man sat down near me who had the smell of a mechanic. Some grease and oil, metal and sweat. I had a nostalgic burst of childhood. Dad in the army. A physical reaction to my shame engulfed me and I quietly wept.

It was the time and place. There's never any going back, no real return. A leap into the new was the only choice, which means it was no choice. A few friends were living in Holland. It was moving out for me. A motorbike again, acquired through a shifty deal, this time riding with Sarah as partner on two wheels.

On the ferry boat to Rotterdam I felt a lifting, catharsis, a new movement and portal. Into the wonder of a new country. Adventure revived. Me and Sarah riding along the Dutch autobahn with plans to explore. The Holland years were quite short, heavy with indulgence and friendships. Long wonderful bike rides into Western Europe. Just me and my wife. Dutch working culture requires many holidays, three and four day weekends. Ample time to see another country. As far as we wanted, high speed autobahn until it seemed like a good place to stop, camp and get up the next day to wander back on the sideroads. Wineries and cathedrals were a favourite.